This book feels so hopeful because it's direct, it's really honest, and it's so actionable' Brené Brown Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. Every Monday and Wednesday morning, we’ll talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. JSG: Yeah, that’s right. Because all you need are little tiny moments, small moments. Let me give you an example. One of our most powerful findings in our research that we translated into a chapter in this book, “Giving What You Can Do,” is what we call turning towards. Turning towards. The Ethical Slut is a classic, a book that helped launch the modern non-monogamy movement. Updating a book of such historical significance is no easy task, but The Ethical Slut, Third Edition succeeds beautifully. Where the original broke radical new ground, this edition is more nuanced, a book for a more complex age. In the third edition, we see the wide variety of forms ethical non-monogamy, and indeed human sexual relationships, can take. This new version brings a new focus on consent, talks about the many wonderful and varied ways ethical non-monogamy happens, and shows an appreciation for the vast range of human sexuality. This is The Ethical Slut for a new era, and cements the book’s place as one of the cornerstones of modern non-monogamous thought.”

Dr. John Gottman previously served as executive director of the Relationship Research Institute and is a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Love Lab. He is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction and has conducted 40 years of groundbreaking research with thousands of couples. His work has earned him numerous major awards, and he was named one of the top 10 most influential therapists of the past quarter century. He is the author of numerous best-selling books, including The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, What Makes Love Last, Eight Dates, and more. BB:“We’re going to tell you to first go out and…” Well, you use an analogy of, “Make a mud pit and have some fun,” because you talk about a really uptight couple that was assigned to have a mud fight, which I loved. Wow, this is like… I as someone who works in leadership and organizational development, I know this like I know my name. It’s like, “Stop catching people doing things wrong and start catching people doing things right.” Because it’s so much better to compound those great behaviors by catching people doing things right, even when you’re using their strength to turn around another behavior.David Cameron first spelled out his attachment to the Wisconsin model in a speech at the Conservative party conference in 2007, when he promised: "We will say to people that if you are offered a job and it's a fair job and one that you can do and you refuse it, you shouldn't get any welfare." JSG: That’s right. With what’s on your heart? What are you worried about, sad about, joyous about, anticipating, grieving about. Who are you right now? That simple question, if asked every day, re-builds that bridge. Think you can’t make relationship changes in a week? Drs. John and Julie Gottman say, yes, actually, you can—and they have 40 years of breakthrough research on marital stability and divorce prediction to prove it. . . . This book feels so hopeful because it’s direct, it’s really honest, and it’s so actionable.” BB: You know what I thought of when I was reading about this? It’s so… It just made me so… I don’t know, it took my breath away a little bit, is I thought about Mary Oliver’s “What are you going to do with this one wild and precious life?”

Becoming a parent is more than just a biological process – it’s a lifelong commitment to sacrifice, service, and most importantly, love. It’s a challenge to get up every day and put your kids first. You will experience moments of heroic compassion and humiliating failure, sometimes within the same day.JSG: And that is one of the most powerful connectors there is… So, let’s say what it is. Turning toward means, how do you respond to your partners bid for attention, bid for connection, and it doesn’t have to be a big bid. Somebody can be looking out a window and see a beautiful blue jay and turn to their partner and say, “Wow, look at that blue jay, it’s incredible.” Then what does the partner do? Well, the partner can say, “Wow, that’s fantastic. It’s really big.” BB: It was nuts. I was like, “No, no, no, no. There’s something missing here. What about conflict?” And then the next paragraph says, “You might notice a few things conspicuously absent from the above list, most notably conflict.” I was like, “Dammit.” The Love Prescription, a simple yet powerful plan to transform your relationship in seven days, from New York Times–bestselling authors Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. JSG: What are they doing right and say thank you for it. We’ve seen in other people’s research, Robinson and Price did a study where they noticed that couples who were distressed and unhappy only noticed 50% of what they were doing for each other as counted by an independent observer. JSG: Yeah. That’s right, that’s right. And Brené, I also really want to thank you for your work, your fabulous work on vulnerability which had never been looked at and described before, because only by being vulnerable ourselves, being brave, can we have real love. It’s impossible without being vulnerable, because if you’re not vulnerable with your partner, then it’s just two walls living in the same house across the breakfast table rather than two soft, mushy, messy, gorgeous, beautiful human beings. And the second is much better than the first.

JSG: That’s right. And at the time, she in one session, and after about five sessions said to John, you know what, John, you can simply say no to her. You don’t have to fulfill her request, you can just say no, and that’s okay. Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships) JG: Yeah, and it was so enriching for me because for me, nature was taking a subway to Central Park and putting a blanket down on the grass and having a picnic… That’s the extent of nature… Then wipe off the nature when you come home. JSG: John and I, for example, almost every day, ask each other one simple question, “What’s on your mind and heart today?” Most of the time… BB: So why is there such a mythology in addition to, “I have to be laying and snuggling the tree every day for six hours if I’m going to nurture it.” In addition to the time myth, why is there… Is it just early psychology that, “If we’re going to do important couples work together, it’s just going to be brutal conflict, put it all out on the table, tell each other how much we hate things about each other?” Where did that mythology come from? Because it seems very dangerous.

JSG: Oh, sweetheart. You know, one thing I love about you is the humility with which you think in all of your relationships. And, aww, bless you for that, honey. BB: We talk about that story all the time, because every now and then we’ll do something, I’m like, “Oh, shit! I bought you a barrette.” He’s like, “I bought you a chain for your watch.”