aroma diffuser 1. n. A scientific device that breaks “essential oils” down into smaller molecules, dispersing them into the air for a pleasant or calming effect on the gullible. 2. n. The arsehole.

bellringer n. A bruising blow on the Herman jelmet from a precariously fitted chod-bin lid, that clangs like the intro to News at Ten.I will now dismount my soapbox and wander off into some even purer speculation: are mountain stages so popular because so few of us have the French Alps - or any mountains of real note - at our doorstep?

Bellshill baker n. Scottish equivalent of a Cleveland Steamer; a broon baguette enjoyed hot and fresh, straight from the oven. Now, replacing mountains with time trials? That will make a difference, and that difference consists of replacing one set of specialists (and one set of physical extremes) with another. artisan/artisanal adj. Descriptive of any product or service that is manufactured or supplied by someone who used to do it as a hobby. We get the impression that the drivers just sort of resent the bikes just being on the road. As a consequence they make no effort whatsoever to pull out and they drive incredibly close.Barbie’s minge sim. Something with a particularly difficult or troublesome mode of entry. ‘Gentlemen, make no mistake. The castle will be heavily guarded. I warn you now, it’wil be like getting into Barbie’s minge.’