Watching my Hot Wife - Shared With my Boss

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I don’t consider this to be my fault. We have been married 25 years and it has been difficult for the majority of the time. He has many qualities I admire, and I do love him, but I’m just taking it day by day and if one day I decide it’s over I will end it.. to me that’s the price the betrayer pays… a certain detachment from the betrayed spouse.. I’ll never feel the same about him, never. He broke my heart. None of her cheating was my fault. I’m smart, attractive, fun, a good parent and…I hope…a good husband. It was some psychological issue that manifested in this damaging behavior. But I’m terrified the damage done to me, individually, can never be repaired. It’s been 10-years since she cheated on me. I would’ve expected to be over this long ago…but the pain still appears and the anxiety manifests itself in weird ways. For example, after all of this happened, I studied a bit about infidelity and the associated psychology and physiology traits found in cheaters. I read that women are more likely to flirt/cheat right around ovulation. Makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, but I should not worry about my ovulating wife while she’s away for two weeks working at a camp. She’s kept her vows for 10-years, why should I doubt her now? Just because a guy said something on a blog about fertile woman being likely to flirt/participate in an affair? Pfft…that doesn’t seem right. I’m now not sleeping properly and I’m on antidepressants to help me through it all. I still love my wife as strong as ever but I’m on edge waiting for the next blow. I’m struggling to cope with the fact she still works at same place. I know the healing process is going to be tough and that it will take time but the truth is I’m not sure we can recover 100% from this but I’m not going to ever give up on trying to rebuild my marriage. I just hope it’s finally over between them but the question is how can I be sure it is?

My husband has two colleagues at work with whom he has good friendships. One in particular, “Jenny” however, makes me extremely uncomfortable. He works in in a university setting, and the work environment there is very tense and draining. The three of them have a camaraderie, which in itself, is good to have that kind of support in a toxic workplace. However, when he comes home from work, the chats are non stop in Facebook messenger. He is involved with a group chat (with two of them,) and Jenny messages him 1:1 regularly outside of work hours as late as 11:00 or midnight. She is married with two kids; my husband and I have a 21-month old daughter who consumes a lot of our after-work time until she goes to bed. But even after going to sleep at 7:30, he is often messaging with either the two of them or just Jenny. During their summer and winter breaks, he talks to Jenny a LOT. Most of it is work-related, but occasionally they will discuss personal things. She has told him that she felt lonely in her marriage before, (I was using his iPad once, which we sometimes share, and her message popped up.) I don’t know how he responded. I don’t feel that it was appropriate for her to tell him this, even if it was a one-time thing. They have never done anything physical, I am sure of it, but the emotional bond they have is troubling to me. They message each other (he is also a culprit in this) as early as 7:00 a.m., are together at work M-F 9-5, and message all evening. Probably at least 20-30 exchanges in the evening alone. I have talked to him about this. He still is able to read the messages he gets, but he told me he will not respond to them outside of work hours, meaning nights and weekends. Additionally, during summer breaks while I’m at work, he has met up with her and her kids (bringing our daughter with) to go to the beach, they have gone to a Beyonce concert together, went to a cooking class, he invited her on what was supposed to be a date night to a sporting event (a sport she knows and cares nothing about but showed up anyway with her husband and kids.) They spent the whole time talking. Recently I met and befriended a woman to whom I am very attracted. This new woman has made it clear that she feels the same way about me and that she would be interested in pursuing a physical relationship with me. I am a fairly disciplined and responsible person and I never thought that anything could tempt me so strongly, especially because of how much I love my wife. I feel so overwhelmed by my attraction to this new woman that I do not trust myself to remain faithful. I know that I should stay away if I want to keep working on my marriage… My philosophy is that if you are in a relationship but you want to be with someone else, then you end your relationship before starting a new one. In this case, I don’t want to leave my marriage, and I don’t really want to be with someone else (I would MUCH prefer to have my need for affection and sexual connection fulfilled with my wife). days after D-Day and my wife came home and we had a long conversation. She was totally exhausted and looked like death. I told her to sleep in our bed tonight and I would sleep on the couch so she can get some sleep. She agreed. Before she went to bed my wife continued to apologies and said she needs to know in herself why she did what she did. I told her that people make mistakes, although I can’t ever justify what you have done and my trust with you has been torn to shreds, people do make mistakes. We aren’t perfect. My wife said she had stopped all text and phone conversation with her boss and is only seeing him at work on a professional level when she has too with other colleagues, so maybe twice a week for 10-15 mins.We talked a lot and she told me that she hated herself for doing what she did and felt disgusted she could tell someone she’s only had an emotional connection with that she loved them. I told her everything he was telling you is infatuation and not love, he was telling you what you wanted to hear when you were missing it at home. She kept asking me if I understood how it got to this point and I would get really angry at it. I told her I understood how it can be a perfect storm of a number of things but I’ll never justify what you did. Many people, after years of marriage, have commented that they no longer felt as “alive” as they once had. They’ve become tired with who they are and long to regain some of their old-self they feel they’ve lost, that person that years earlier was so fascinating and attractive that their spouse pursued them, wanted them, desired them. That’s how they want and need to feel again. But alas, remember — desire requires novelty to flourish and grows stale with the familiar. There was definitely an element of “this is naughty” to it, that did make it more exciting,’ she adds. ‘But we did end up dating for a while after that, so it was more than just the forbidden fruit thing.’ She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not.

And then i went into the bedroom, my fiance started with every excuse in the book, and i stopped her and said, i don’t need to know, the marriage is off, i do not want to see or hear from you ever again, you can tell the guy that was here taking my place tonight that you are no longer my problem, now u are his! and i turned around and left the bedroom, went out onto the porch, and asked the Chinese woman if she would like to accompany me to an all night diner where i could eat something, and she said sure, so off her and i went to eat! He tried to come up with all the potential ways to get out of eating the steak, but the shear excitement he already displayed when the steak came out cut his excuses down. There are so many vegans now-a-days but he couldn’t claim that. She always deletes the call log, Whats up chats , massager massages etc when she talks in off hours. When I ask him if what he wants is the divorse he does not response. He said he will be always in my life and he will help me with everything I need. I am so angry and in pain. It hurst horrible!! I feel he is not really understanding the situation. I am sure he is just building a huge fantasy of love. I am so angry and frustaded. He is risking his marriage, his family.Anyway she then started talking to my male cousin just for advice and within 2 weeks they were sexting and sharing nudes… 95% of the chats were about marriage, me and how to make it better but she claims the 5% was just there way of an escape from reality and meant nothing just words and pics and nothing physical. I am most interested in your insight and thoughts on the past with my wife. Also, thoughts regarding the use of a polygraph. I started struggling internally as to whether to tell him about the affair as I felt it was a huge secret to keep and I didn’t want to lie but It was no longer just about me and him? Lots of research showed the betrayed person just wishing they had never been told ( if the affair was over) so I contemplated that but couldn’t see us having a lasting marriage built on a lie…so

Catherine’s situation certainly isn’t a rarity. Workplace affairs are incredibly common, with stats suggesting that 65% of office workers have had a relationship with someone at work, and while only 19% of employees admit to cheating with a colleague, 44% say they have known coworkers who had affairs at work or on business trips.The remainder of the night was quiet. Since the event, Jim’s wife only said two words via text “I’m fine”.

She denied " liking it" and said she hates him for being a pervert but that she felt I wasn't first in line for the promotion. So, after over a year of this you tell her she needs to find a new job. Her reaction is to tell you she "applied to a couple of jobs" with you having no way of verifying that. All while she still goes to her old job? if you can live through the triggers and work forward from that place of agony, then you will know exactly what i am talking about. when we go through something traumatic, most of us will at some point realize that we will be ok. it comes directly after accepting the emotions instead of trying to fight them. My wife is also a working women in a good firm. But now a days I saw a tremnedious changes in her. She always appreciates his callegue. By the mean time is bunked the office n get to his flat also. So my mind is now confused that is she fallen a love of affaire with that collegue. After asking my wife regarding him she denied by giving silly silly reasons but some noticeable things had occured few days. Such.My wife and I went from being off 3-4 days a week together to 1 day a week. I work 10 hour days 4 days a week. We both discussed this at the time and thought we could get through it as it involved a substantial increase in salary and I would stay where I was to look after our daughter more. What is seen is just the tip of the iceberg,’ says psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of the Relationship Paradigm books, Neil Wilkie. ‘Affairs are not just physical. There are also emotional affairs, where there is a sharing of deep personal information as well as inappropriate messaging and conversations.’ For the next few days, I was devastated and hurt but I knew I wanted it to work, not only for my daughter, but for everything we had built together over 10 years. I also knew the person she turned her into wasn’t the person she was. After that encounter, she change the name in the phone and opened a file for her boss where to post messages. The disappointing thing is that he sends her messages in my presence and states that I know your husband is near you but I am crazy about you. Now she resolved to delete the messages immediately she finishes reading it. I do not think she is a bad person just made a right old mess of things due to her state of mind and me been to blind to read the signs.