As mentioned, the nice thing about the rule-set was that it allowed a lot of leeway on whether or not submissive would be happy following the instructions. It also consisted of rules that it would follow on the days that at work as well as the days that at home. Collar and Jewelry: If I am given instructions regarding masturbation prior to asking, I must follow those instructions to the best of my ability. See conditions Daily Tasks 4 sub(1-3). The desired outcome is to have a healthy relationship where you both feel safe, happy, and cared for. By following rules that are set by the Dom, the submissive can relax and trust that they are taken care of. When the submissive complies with the rules, the Dominant feels proud that he is able to have been given the gift of submission. The Dominant then feels accepted, desired, and confident like the Master they are. Power Play

When you’re on the receiving end of this type of punishment you may be asked to count the number of strikes. Counting aloud can really drive home the importance of the rule and the consequence for breaking it.While communication is important in any relationship, it's absolutely essential in a dominant/submissive relationship. Now's not the time to be shy; if you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your innermost sexual desires and turn-offs it can really affect your safety, not to mention whether your enjoy your encounters. During the day, if I wish to change clothing or take an item off, I must ask permission to do so. Grooming/Hygiene: Once I started seeing things as giving more I was actually rewarded more often. It's funny how life works out that way. I offered up more and more of myself; I submitted to his will and in return, when I least expected it, he rewarded me. It was so fulfilling and still is.

BDSM contracts are a pretty important part of the relationship. Both parties need to bring something to the relationship to make their counterpart the best version of themselves. The contract outlines what the Dominant/submissive will be responsible for. They are meant to protect both people from hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations. They can include anything you want, really. And they can and should include any rules and consequences for rule breaking. These can be verbal or written out, but the most important part of the contract is communication. This is something that is ongoing throughout the duration of the relationship. DisciplineIf I broke a rule and knew that I disappointed my Dominant, I would need to have a discussion about what happened, why I shouldn’t break the rule, why the punishment happened, and that I am still loved and cared for. I made a bad choice, I am not a bad girl. While it looks different than post-playtime aftercare, that bit of reassurance and reconnection allows me to have time to improve and remember he is still there for me. Rewards If you aren't willing to work on these things and you enter into a D/s relationship you are being misled to a Dominant in your intentions. How can you submit if you are not going to make the changes necessary to be a submissive worthy of their charge?

The course starts now and never ends! It is a completely self-paced online course - you decide when you start and when you finish. From the introduction on out the book went downhill for me. Each chapter is written in a very direct way that is off-putting for me. I try to educate in the manner that all things are subject to the couple in the relationship, that things can and do change and develop through negotiation and common desires and needs. The author writes her book as if her way is the only way that training will happen. She uses words like "should, must, expect, essential" as if all submissives have the same expectations in training. That even a couple in medium-high protocol follows training in just this manner. You have every right as a person to ask to talk about something before it is done and if they won't then RUN AWAY! Journaling in Submission - One of the tools that Dominants can use for communication is journaling. But you don’t have to be in a relationship to keep a journal. How do you start one? What goes in it? Dive into the 30 Days of Submissive Journaling series or one of the many other articles about this very useful tool in a submissive’s kit. Another flaw of mine is that in the course of being together when I am excited, I often forget the appropriate response of "yes Sir, no Sir" and may make a moaning sort of affirmation or denial. His tone changes immediately as he demands the proper response and I know I run the risk of displeasing Him should I not enunciate properly.Begin with her limbs, what is she doing with them? If she is holding onto something already, like the headboard, tell her not to let go of it until instructed to do so. Give her commands that express what you would like her to do. The essential component to directing your submissive is that even if, as the Dominant, you don’t have a specific action that you would like from your submissive you need to provide her with direction. In the past your submissive would not have required this direction during play. Do not underestimate her need for direction now. Directing Your Submissive! One of the biggest components of BDSM is that the relationship consists of a Dominant and a submissive. This is actually the cornerstone of this lifestyle. A Dominant will take control of the submissive. The extent of control is discussed and agreed upon between the two parties before any play time can happen. At press time, “kink” is not a language you can learn on Duolingo, so here’s a handy glossary of some of the most common BDSM terms, from A to Z.