The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

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She started noticing a pattern: These healthy, high-performing (mostly) women described themselves as unproductive, unhealthy, and suffering from major burnout. They were attempting that ever-elusive concept of balance—and beating themselves up on their way to finding it. A pathologized version of yourself is essentially saying, “I’m broken.” Investing in that is essentially saying, “OK, I’m broken and I’m ready to move through the world in all my brokenness.” The problem with that is that you then begin to seek out paths in the world that accommodate your brokenness. You surround yourself with people who see you as broken. You’re too intimidated to go for the hot, smart, kind funny person—because they’re too out of your league in your mind and your heart. Before you even settle, you have already settled in your view of what’s available to you.

Combining vivid storytelling, rigorous research, and deep analysis, Morgan Schafler provides a practical guide that can help you learn, thrive, and flourish.”But it’s important to remember this is an ongoing process. You must keep adapting to your perfectionism or else it will turn on you. It’s like eating – you can’t eat once a week and expect to stay full. You have to keep at it. About the author Are you - gasp - an ambitious perfectionist? Have you tried and failed to find that elusive sense of "balance" we're all meant to seek? If you answered yes to these questions, this is the book you must read. Morgan Schafler has written the definitive guide for anyone who's ready to walk a crucial pathway: from the appearance of control, to the possession of a quiet power."

Procrastinator perfectionists don't suffer from a crisis of confidence. Rather, they are great at understanding their own potential but struggle with sharing their gifts lest they fall short of their own expectations. The obvious question is, how do you adapt to perfectionism? We’ll get to that answer– but first, let’s meet the 5 Types of Perfectionists – classic, Parisian, procrastinator, messy, and intense. Getting out of the cycle of self-punishment and shame can be difficult for perfectionists. The path is winding, and there will be missteps, which are not forgiven easily by perfectionists. However, by showing yourself compassion and connecting with others, the cycle can be broken. You can make peace with your perfectionism and make it work for you. Intense perfectionists crave the ideal outcome. They ignore the process and fixate on the goal more than other types of perfectionists. The adaptive intense perfectionist is an inspirational leader with a relentless drive to succeed, but also appreciates the journey and understands that mistakes happen. Maladaptive intense perfectionists have impossible standards and drive people away with their demands and critiques.

Then, we get to go from this point of chaos to this self-defined life where we feel joyful and free every day. This can be true for you if you allow it to be. Over time, and with the right choices, you can get there. There are many forms of self-punishment, like denying yourself simple pleasures, self-sabotage, and ruminating on past problems. But the most common form for perfectionists is negative self-talk – beating yourself up for each and every mistake you make, no matter how innocent or understandable. I was the oldest child and loved to force my younger brothers into driveway summer school sessions, complete with my lessons and requiring them to finish whatever homework I gave them. As you can imagine, they “adored” these opportunities (insert their collective eye rolls here), and it was some of the first of many times I was called bossy. That phenomenon has continued throughout my career, social service, and relationships.