The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

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But the author have no mention whatsoever of how ADHD in males versus females express itself. And she uses the ADD/ADHD terms like the wind blows (or so it seems)

Melissa provides a nine-week couples seminar live by Zoom three times a year (fall, winter, and spring) and in a self-study version the remainder of the year. Regardless of whether you decide to work with the consulting group, we STRONGLY recommend you take the seminar. Past participants repeatedly say the course ‘is one of the best things they have ever done’ for their relationship. One helpful consistent reminder from the first half of the book is how helpful getting consistent exercise is for people with ADHD so I've taken that too heart and prioritized working out - it's made me more likely to want to keep doing stuff at work and home (but I'm getting a little too hyperfocused on it since it's new and exciting again - story of my life). Secondly, some of the advice was sound, but other suggestions were obviously not being provided by a professional. I just finished the book, so the first that comes to mind is her suggestion that people with ADHD might go to bed with their spouse for "cuddle time" and then stay in bed on their phone or laptop until they're ready for bed. Anyone with trouble sleeping knows that you should never look at a screen before bed, especially while you're IN bed. The fact that the author is not actually licensed in any way but is just "experienced" definitely comes through sometimes. One way to cultivate empathy in your relationship is through letter writing. If you have ADHD, write a letter to your partner explaining what it’s like to live with your mile-a-minute brain. Stay focused on your experiences and feelings, not your marriage or relationship. This will offer your partner a glimpse of what you deal with every day, explaining that your behaviors aren’t the result of laziness or self-interest. Use your letter as a way to start a conversation where both of you can be curious about the other’s perspective in an open, non-judgmental way. To demonstrate how this method works, let’s explore it through an imaginary couple – Alex and Beth. Say Beth feels upset by something Alex said to her – a common habit of people with low impulse control.

First off, I was really annoyed with the voice of the narrator, it was kind of whiny. So I wasn't impressed with the actual voice, but I also wasn't impressed with the voice of the author with regard to how the book was written either. She said that you shouldn't treat people with ADHA like they're children, but I constantly felt like she was talking about them like they were children. Having newly been diagnosed with ADHD myself I have been where some of those couples are. Still - Melissa approach the content mostly from the POV that it's the male who has ADHD and how the female suffers. Step 4: Improving Communication - communication techniques that work when ADHD is present (p. 165. Audio 7. Kindle loc. 2744) The book goes on and on about how hard it is to live with someone with ADHD and not enough about how to make it easier. It just leaves me feeling helpless, hopeless, and ashamed of myself. I really had a lot higher hopes for this book after hearing others swear by it. I think from now on, I'll only take book recommendations from people who actually have ADHD. The ADHD brain functions in a very consistent and predictable way. That means that certain behavioral patterns will inevitably arise in the context of a romantic relationship. For instance, a “parent-child” dynamic might develop, in which the partner without ADHD takes over practical responsibilities but then feels resentful. Or they constantly nag their partner, which only creates distance, irritation, and conflict.

When ADHD is part of a romantic relationship, it’s crucial to remember that the adult with ADHD is the only person who has the right to decide whether or not to seek treatment. I am the ADHD (male) spouse. This book is directed more at the non-ADHD spouse, and contains great advice. So I highly recommend it for the non-ADHD spouse. My non-ADHD spousev had found it to be very helpful, and, as she progresses through each section, putting recommendations into action already facilitating improvements in our marital relationship. Founder of ADHDmarriage.com (2007), and ADHD & Marriage Consulting, Melissa has spent years helping couples impacted by ADHD improve their relationships and learn to thrive. She provides seminars, support groups, private couples consulting, in-depth information, professional training, and more.Learn more about adult ADHD. Learning more about your partner's experience will help you have more empathy and patience. I got through it fine. But I've also done a decent amount of work on myself in this area before listening to the book. Even with that, the general tone throughout the book was still very difficult at times.

I was wanting to find out more about ADHD in general and how if effects people, and this was the first book that popped up on Hoopla for me.If you want a book that will help you finally understand why your spouse acts in certain ways and how you can make their lives and your own life better going forward then read it. If your spouse also reads it, great. But even if only you read it, you're enlightening yourself. Start by choosing to “reset” your relationship. Today will be a fresh start, with you both setting out on this adventure to a happier life together. Yes, assuming that person is available. We will also make suggestions, as well. Ready to get going? Here's the form that gets you started. Fees Beth starts by asking Alex if they can have a learning conversation about something that’s bothering her. She then shares in about 100 words what’s weighing on her, like “I often feel hurt by things you blurt out at me.” When she’s finished, Alex then repeats in his own words what he thinks he’s heard, without adding any of his own thoughts. Beth then confirms if he’s heard right. If not, they’ll try again.