No Spray, No Lay!: Poetry of the Looky Looky Man

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The show follows three groups of girls on a night out; the techno-loving, drug-sneaking Sweaty Girls, pouting and posing besties Crystaal and Sahara, and IT-girl Laura with her disgruntled minion Jane in tow. What could have been a knotted tangle of subplots and stereotypes manages to effectively give us three realistic but different girls’ night outs, with an unpredictable but hilarious crossover pulling all three together for the finale (no spoilers but two words: dance battle). With their array of hair products and Chupa-Chup lollies, the benevolent toilet attendant waits to give you the spray you need to get your lay. As far as I am aware, this list is absolutely comprehensive, which indicates exactly how constructive my life has been for the last two years. I dedicate it to the Toilet Men of London Town… Their familiar face, often greeting you with a look of complete disdain as you encourage them and those in the toilet to start yet another reprise of “freshen up your punani” fills you with warmth and a feeling of fellowship, making the toilet a better place to be.

No Davidoff Cool Water, no one's gonna want you to form a strong and loving relationship with them that eventually results in the creation of a daughter!" It is rare to see performers who can provide genuine and sustained laughter, and ride it without ever succumbing to the temptation to talk across it. The only thing that gets in the way of sozzled bonhomie is the bloke trying to sell you aftershave. Now, the important thing to remember here, is that he's just doing his job and no one should ever be made to feel ashamed of their profession. It's not fun. It's not glamorous and I doubt it pays well, so there's no disrespect intended here at all, rather this is our opportunity, as we see it, to pay tribute to this unsung bastion of the bog, and his unrelenting supply of catchphrases.The clubbers burst in and slink out. Abigail Nelson as the super-hysterical Crystaal who is certain she is the DJ’s girlfriend and Hannah Lorimer as her bestie Sahara, who is rather more aware. Nelson and Lorimer feed nicely off each other, and deliver their numbers well. No Spray No Lay has the potential to become the ultimate girls’ musical – boppy original tunes, an array of 2000s outfits, and a display of some of the most universal yet often private aspects of the female experience. One to keep a glitter-shadowed eye on! No Spray No Lay was created by friends Kat Dobell and Lara Dunning after a night out at the ballet, a few wines and a run in with a pervy DJ. Sponsored by Bare Productions it plans to hit the Edinburgh Fringe in 2024. We were invited along to the preview/preparatory run last week in Edinburgh, with almost nine months to go to Fringe there’s bound to be refinements made but for now the cast are shining in this production that really captures the chaotic fun aura of a girls’ night out. It’s clear that there is a lot of love behind this production, from the nostalgia-fueled writing to the all-female presenting cast bringing these characters to life. Ishbel Shand’s domineering mother, reluctant to let her innocent daughter marry, is pitched just right. Lynn Holmes gives daughter Matti an openhearted charm, while Judith Petrie is convincingly grounded as neighbour Edith. Murray Petrie turns in a fine comic performance as the ageing, hard-of-hearing ‘Dad’. cleverly paced

These lavatory attendants, as they are probably officially known, also offer a range of designer fragrances in the belief this may help male guests attract a mate for the night, and expect to be rewarded with a coin or two for their efforts. And they’re also supposed to make sure nobody does Class A drugs in the cubicles – unless you make friends with them in advance and offer them some. Apparently.No spray, no lay” – awesomely, they have even been known to do this to the theme of Hot Hot Hot (Ole ole, ole ole), culminating in “freshen up, up, up!”). Hannah Childs is great fun as Laura, who is super-confident that everyone loves her and that she is the centre of all their worlds. Ruth Harris holds it all in, as her pal Jane – who largely seems to exist to hold Laura’s handbag. The whole piece is great fun, performed with no little gusto and devilment, and oozes potential. There is plenty here to make the prospect of its development and return at EdFringe 2024 a welcome one.

They are well drawn in this somewhat minimal, one hour musical, which suffers – partly as a consequence of its brevity – from not having enough of several elements. That said, the maxim of leaving the audience wanting more certainly applies here. Invariably, you’ll find a poorly paid man who invites guests to wash their hands, provides soap and even turns the taps on and hands you paper towels.Ruth Harris shines as Laura’s pushover best friend Jane who begins the night too insecure to enjoy herself, but eventually lets go. Harris shows off stunning vocals and handles the audience participation aspect well, though Jane’s character arc could have used a little more nuance – currently it relies on her self-worth being fixed by having sex with a man (as hilarious and well-done as the onstage moment is it’s a little one-dimensional). The two-person ensemble might be an odd choice but works perfectly for the setting and are used effectively to support the main characters and add to the comedy. When it comes to accommodation in Scotland, there's a fantastic choice of amazing stays from luxury hotels to glamping getaways. Quietly watching your every move, the toilet attendant knows you just hoisted those tights right up to to beneath your boobs. But hey, they aren’t there to judge. Some of them are, understandably, miserable as sin. Others, bless them, are a little more upbeat, and before sometimes breaking into full blown chorus, often chant some of the following creative lines to encourage clubbers to wash their hands after touching their penis. The characters are all brought to life clearly and passionately by the cast, and all got their share of laughs from the audience. But though the vocal performances are uniformly strong, the energy of the performances doesn’t really translate to the choreography of the music, with even the numbers where the extra movement is character relevant not going as far as the other characters’ reactions seem to suggest.

At hand with tampons and hair gel, these master entrepreneurs will barter until you’ve settled on an outrageous price for a few Polo mints, all the while passing you paper towels to dry the hands you’ve just vommed on. The second piece, Doggies by Jean McConnell, has more of the air of an extended sketch, but the twenty minutes simply flies by. Simpson directs this time, and the pacing is spot on. real comic talent If you want to get involved in the world of tech, why not apply for the Vodafone Graduate Programme? Applications are open for September 2022 and more information can be found here. No Hugo Boss Bottled Intense, no, please, please find me another job, please, I can't keep doing this, do I have to keep doing this, really, what have I done to deserve this, what crimes have I committed, what sins have I stumbled through unknowingly and unwittingly?"Same dosage as last time, slight change of venue from the usual nights out to a house party environment. Ended up staying the night. RESULT.