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Aristotle laid out the philosophical foundation of friendship as the art of holding up a mirror to each other’s souls. Two millennia later, Emerson contemplated its two pillars of truth and tenderness. Another century later, C.S. Lewis wrote: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” The one you love, your anam cara, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul. The honesty and clarity of true friendship also brings out the real contour of your spirit. When I was in a high school, I read and loved a poem in my language Gujarati. I still remember the title of the poem- Mine would be: "May you feel the warmth that I have felt. May it flow like a river through your life." But John was no killjoy, wrapped in an ivory tower, looking askance at the preoccupations of ordinary mortals. He often touched down in our everyday world. He had a capacity for fun and the grace of being able to laugh at himself. He once took part with a group of friends in the Maynooth Song Contest.
The kind of friendship one finds in an anam cara, O’Donohue argues, is a very special form of love — not the kind that leads us to pit the platonic against the romantic but something much larger and more transcendent: command of the English language had become so rare and the skill to follow the rules of meter and phonics even rarer to the point that their numbers remained far too thin to raise enough money from annual dues for even an occasional modest bacchanal (as in the Calypso song Harry Belafonte recorded “Zombi Jamboree.”) As a result, they redefined poetry by inventing the very clever idea of free verse which allows anyone to become a self proclaimed poet and therefore a member. Now their motto is; “I came, I wrote, I conquered” and you don’t even have to be admired or even published in your lifetime, you can be discovered long after you are dead. We spend a lot of time talking about wedding ceremonies here on the American Weddings blog. This makes sense... Wedding ceremonies (and wedding officiants) are awesome! And they’re our primary focus and passion.In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of social acquaintance fall away, you can be as you really are. Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person’s soul… This art of love discloses the special and sacred identity of the other person. Love is the only light that can truly read the secret signature of the other person’s individuality and soul. Love alone is literate in the world of origin; it can decipher identity and destiny. When our responses are grounded in Love, in meditation, mindfulness, and prayer, we all have a greater resonance for right-action or non-action. Both might be useful. In my life, it’s often been those little pauses, some minutes, some seconds, and some fractions of a second that have helped me keep a level head and a grateful heart. Without the pauses, I can easily fall into panic and overwhelm. I’m built that way. Without the pauses, I drop into old habits and ways of doing, thinking and responding. I can easily abandon flow, trust and being. The pauses allow grace in. I’m going to write that again … give it space. But nowhere do the beauty, mystery, and soul-sustenance of friendship come more vibrantly alive than in the 1997 masterwork Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom ( public library) by the late, great Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue (January 1, 1956–January 4, 2008), titled after the Gaelic for “soul-friend”— a beautiful concept that elegantly encapsulates what Aristotle and Emerson and Lewis articulated in many more words. Reading it, I couldn't help but feel that it's as appropriate today as it's ever been, that it speaks to more than just marriage but to our relationships with one another on a grander, human scale. Recently, I have been enjoying the work of John O’Donohue, who was an Irish writer and poet. My favorite book of his, To Bless the Space Between Us, is a collection of blessings to help readers through struggles and everyday concerns of life. There is something deeply kind and wise about his words, something which is encouraging and inspires hope during times of transition, challenge, new beginnings.
John, an Irish Catholic priest, with a gentle turn of phrase and wonderful insight, made a great impact in Celtic spirituality circles in the last 15 years or so, becoming a Greenbelt favourite. Sadly, he died suddenly, and unexpectedly last year, aged just 52 – but not without leaving us some gems.
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This all makes me want to burst out in song as in Tom Lehrer’s “We Are the Folk Song Army” (folksongs being so closely related to junk poetry) whose memorable lyrics go; His latest work, Benedictus , is a wonderful book of blessings for a diversity of human experiences. But AMM Ministers don’t just marry people. When they choose to, their roles can extend much further, supporting their communities in important ways, and celebrating not just new beginnings, but endings, too. This deserves to be highlighted. If you could offer up one wish for someone else, or humanity as a whole, today and right now, what would your blessing be? Every poet would like to write the ideal poem. Though they never achieve this, sometimes it glimmers through their best work. Ironically, the very beyondness of the idea is often the touch of presence that renders the work luminous. The beauty of the ideal awakens a passion and urgency that brings out the best in the person and calls forth the dream of excellence.
What gifts are hiding in this suffering? Personally, my gifts have come in the form of long, deep talks during daily walks and nightly games with my husband. The gifts are in sharing a glass of socially distant wine with friends across their porch. The gifts are in the solitude and quiet of every day. Our local clergy chapter were meeting this week, and I was ‘hosting’. Usually, part of hosting involves preparing some prayers and worship. As we were also ‘ Remembering‘ St Martin of Tours, I had a few things up my sleeve, including a fine shell remembering the pilgrims that stopped at St Martin’s shrine in Tours on the Way of St James. New Zealand Paua - credit ReedWade They may have hoped that his imagination would wilt somewhat under the sodden weight of careful clerical conversation in the presbytery. It was as if (former All-Ireland club champions) Crossmolina GAA confined the contribution of (star footballer) Ciarán McDonald to carrying the jerseys for their third-string team. John took the brave decision to leave the comfortable clerical zone and strike out on his own. Over the last few months I have very much been enjoying the writings and poetry of John O’Donohue. A writer of unique power to me (and many others), John captured a great sense of wonder of the natural world and a deep wisdom and kindness born from a life of studying philosophy and theology. He had also been a Catholic priest for 17 years and left that service to concentrate more on his writings.John O’Donohue (1 Jan 1956 – 4 Jan 2008) was an Irish poet, author, priest, and Hegelian philosopher. He was a native Irish speaker, and as an author is best known for popularising Celtic spirituality. (Wikipedia) His ecclesiastical superiors became suspicious of his growing reputation. They sought to clip his wings by imprisoning him in a busy curacy where they hoped he would have less time for flights of fancy. After ordination, John honed his intellect in the strict atmosphere of Tübingen, the German university. On his return to Ireland he combined lecturing with some parish work. For people jaded by the blandness of conventional Irish Catholicism, he opened up new vistas of exploration and experience.
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