Stop Being Reasonable: six stories of how we really change our minds

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The book begins with an account of a rather fascinating experiment that Gordon-Smith conducted, where she asked men who catcalled her on the street why they engaged in that behavior. Many of the men insisted the women liked being catcalled, and Gordon-Smith became fascinated with her inability to convince these men that no, women do not. No amount of personal anecdote or researched evidence could convince these men. One of the greatest books I've had the pleasure of reading. Gordon-Smith's main idea is that our society idolizes "rational debate" as the gold standard of how to change minds. Sure, in practice, people are more convinced by emotional arguments, by what their peers think, by what it's convenient to believe - but we think they SHOULD be convinced by rational debate, ideally. Well, this book argues that, while rational debate has its place, it's not the only (or even the best) way to change minds or decide what's true. Gordon-Smith tells six stories of how people changed their minds. Each story, the change comes from something beyond just rational debate. Traditional philosophers might think there's something wrong or irrational about this. But Gordon-Smith bites the bullet and argues that these people were actually right.

I agree that this isn’t yours to investigate or sort out. But I also see why your sister might feel that it is. Infidelity is a funny beast like that: it can feel so cataclysmic and world-ending to be on the receiving end of, that it’s surprising to discover everyone else isn’t reacting the same way. Many wronged spouses hope in vain that the unfaithful person will be fired, excommunicated or at very least lose all their friends. It can be very hard to see outside the pain and fascination it causes you, to the fact that it just doesn’t feel like that to everyone else. A guess, but these feelings may be compounded by grief – if your sister is missing him, confronting mortality, reflecting on whether their time together was “good” or “bad”.

Stop Being Reasonable

Keeping this in mind might help you feel what you’re feeling, without reproach. You’re not just being mean, or taking an irrational dislike of a perfectly pleasant person. You’re feeling that this relationship isn’t strong enough for the tests it’s being put through – and in a way, why would it be?

McLaughlin was lauded for her inventiveness in getting students engaged. “Finding creative ways to deliver historical material comes so naturally to Hannah, because creativity and originality are integral elements of her personality,” one student wrote. Evelyn Navarro Salazar Gordon-Smith's thesis is that reason, rationalism and evidence are not predominant causal factors in the significant changes of mind we all experience in our lives. She offers some field-work and a few anecdotes to support this, but as I read the book I could not shake off the impression that Gordon-Smith is more concerned with showing us how smart and likeable she is, rather than probing deeply into this complex subject. A third-year Ph.D. student in politics, William Wen was recognized for his work as a preceptor in “Introduction to Quantitative Social Science.” “He was always enthusiastic, warm and effortlessly professional with the students and with me,” said Marc Ratkovic, an assistant professor of politics. This leads into a strong critique of the commonly held idea that rational, evidence-based discussion is the best way to change people's minds.Gordon-Smith's book is all about the limits of "reasonableness", on the limits of rational discourse and the fetishisation of rationality and calmness, and how we are so eager to discard emotion and human behaviour when searching for "truth". This is especially true when you get into online debates, where "rationality" and surface level civility are given preference over emotion-driven perspectives which are just as rational. This was a really interesting premise, and Gordon-Smith's case vignettes are incredibly interesting. The illusive sense of self and the importance we place on an inner coherent narrative with which to understand ourselves, the inability to truly know another person etc. are all interesting questions that Gordon-Smith raises.

Su’s clear lectures and availability to students outside of the classroom won praise. Wrote one student, “Aaron’s ability to be precise, sensible and approachable while thoughtfully answering my questions in office hours challenged me to think more critically about each of my course assignments and the way I approach anthropological writing more broadly.” William Wen Fintan O’Toole, Visiting Leonard Milberg ’53 Professor of Irish Letters, praised the way Yoo “communicated with confidence, charm and clarity. He engaged with the students in a way that was always lively, warm, and encouraging, but also challenging and stimulating.” The first is hard because it requires grit and optimism when you might feel low on both. You write you’ve struggled to make and keep friends or hobbies. This is about insisting that can change; that the path you’ve been on has no authority to dictate where you go next. You asked what you should do. You sound strikingly clear about how you feel: you can’t bear it any more, you feel rage, you want her not to come and stay. These don’t sound like the kind of feelings you should be expected to endure indefinitely.I will soon have to tell my wife that her mother texted, and that she has Alzheimer’s. Do I also have to tell her about the part with the letters? Or, for the sake of peace, can I skip that part? I don’t feel comfortable with it, but I don’t want my wife to be hurt again. What makes them change course? What does this say about our own beliefs? And, in an increasingly divided world, what does it teach us about how we might change the minds of others? Students were grateful to Salazar for going “above and beyond in ensuring that we as students have all the resources to succeed and to love the subject. It is obvious that she has a deep appreciation and passion for the work she is doing.” Christopher Parton