How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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When your kid does something wrong, instead of getting mad or punishing, ask the kid what to do to fix it (102-103). The problem is that kids often enjoy the fixing as well as the destruction/mess. So there is no incentive for them to not cause the destruction/mess in the future. Get the child on the same team. First, except the emotional joy of riding a tricycle in the living room. Second, can you define what the problem is which is that your little sister could get her fingers caught in the wheels. Thirdly, we need an idea to solve for the problem.

Put an empty plate in front of your child and let him serve himself, or ask for what he wants if he’s too young to serve himself.” Instead of saying, “you spilled the milk” you can say “I really don’t like it when milk is spelt”. Instead of being accusatory towards the other person with “You”, you’re saying “I” have a problem with that this technique. This technique is universally effective wherever people are involved. Try it with your kids. Describe what you see – instead of praising your child for being a great artist, tell him/her what you see and what you like about his/her drawings or pictures In a negotiation, a long pause is sometimes the most effective tactic to come to an agreement. With kids, the same is true. Let your child know that you aren’t trying to monopolize their mind. Stop talking so much. Be comfortable with silence. You will be happier at work, with your spouse and your kids.Turn a boring routine command into a playful challenge (49). I can see it working the first few times. But if you use it every time you want your kid to do something, the kid will likely tire of your game and stop playing. I tried it with getting my kid to eat: “Your food is saying ‘eat me!’” FAIL. The kid did not eat. If you’re in a rush in the morning and struggle to get your kids ready to go in time, put your kids to bed in their next-day clothes instead of pajamas (236). If a colleague isn’t feeling a meeting, then you should consider closing up early. Do not feel obligated to take the full hour because you booked an hour.

Describe your child’s effect on others – instead of being proud and expressing how sweet and fun he/she is with their sibling, comment on how much their baby brother loves when you make those sounds and those silly faces. Erasing “but” from my vocabulary and instead using “the problem is”: “You really feel like throwing that glass! That’s fun for you! The problem is I’m worried about it breaking. I’m going to put it on this shelf to keep it safe. Let’s find something you can throw.” billion stars. I love this book. I’ve read a lot of parenting books, and this is right up there with the most useful of them (probably first equal with Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting). Lots of the experts I’ve read pay homage to the How to Talk principles, but none explain it as clearly as this, with useful anecdotes and chapter summaries. Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."—John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Appreciate their work and effort, not their traits. This shows kids evidence of their own talents and lets them draw their own conclusions about what they might do with those talents. Otherwise, you’re confining them by telling them who and what they are.

You can reason with a two or three-year-old, especially to avoid power struggles. “Get dressed so you can go outside and play.” Offer a reason for your request that is to the child’s advantage and one that is difficult to refuse. This gives her a reason to move out of her power position and do what you want her to do. 7. Be Positive When You Talk to Kids The best way to inspire a child to do better in the future is to give him an opportunity to do better in the present.”Show them that you’re tuned in to how they feel with non-judgmental verbal cues: “I see that shoelace is giving you a hard time.” When other tactics have failed and you are angry at your kids, going for a run can help (361). You can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first. Instead of thinking, “How can I control this child?” we can think of our child as being on the same team and invite his help and participation.” Punishments and rewards don’t always work as well as we think. If a colleague has made a grievous error, then give them a chance to be the hero. This is the same for children. Show your child how to make amends. The best chance to get a child to do something better is to give them a chance to redo what they just did. Give them a re-write. This way he or she can see there’s a potential actual to do good.